that's an acceptable place to lick
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
