please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
