you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
