Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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