did you get engaged???
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
