I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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