Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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