I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
