just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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