I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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