but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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