whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
