And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
