I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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