Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize