Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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