so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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