i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
