So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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