I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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