Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
