If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
whose parrot is this?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
