Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize