brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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