I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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