Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
