Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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