just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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