"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
