Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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