oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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