Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
