everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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