I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
