Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
