this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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