I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
