Don't you send me to vm
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
