You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize