just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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