You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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