How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
