Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I will pee on everything he values.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
