I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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