Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
