just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I love you. Go after that dick
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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