I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize