Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
