so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
