So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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