he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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