once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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