were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
