sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
