i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
