You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
