Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
