He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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