possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
