And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
