do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
