sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
