the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Randomize
