Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
