I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
