Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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